Today at the lake, it was sunny and warm. I was tired from my swim yesterday, so I decided to take a leisurely bike ride around the city.
My navigation system was: every so often, turn left. For the most part, it worked. I ended up back at my apartment in an hour and a half.
I rode past the carnival rides. There is a week-long festival in Malmö now, so I wanted to see it without getting stuck in the crowds. I noticed lots of portable toilets that were much nicer than the porta-potties I have seen at US events. There was also a dedicated disabled stall. Also, stations for filling up water bottles. Later on my ride I passed a bicycle station where you can fill up your tires, rinse mud off your bike, and I’m not sure what else. I will have to ride there again and take a closer look.
I stopped at the Design Center. I missed it last time I was here, so I was eager to see it. Housed in an 1800’s building with thick wooden beams and slanted pine floors, the two exhibits were architecture projects from nearby Lund University and a textile artist’s wall hangings and rugs. I wasn’t in the mood for reading the cards because my brain is still a jetlagged ball of fuzz, so I just wandered around and thought nice thoughts.
After the DC I stopped at a little shop where the owner makes beautiful tunic shirts out of retro fabric. Very nice. I saw lots of wool in the store, and I sorta wished that I could knit. I chatted with her for awhile, then got my bike and continued on my ride. I ended up at the Trianglen mall, the site of my disastrous, rain-soaked arrival almost a week ago. I wanted to buy the gluten-free chocy biscuits I got last week, but they didn’t have them. I found dark chocolate rice cakes at another store and decided those would have to do and are probably healthier. I also stopped at A-Mart to get some tofu. Finally, a large block of tofu at a reasonable price.
From there I pedaled home, glad that I chose to go outside instead of rest all day. But it is only 2:41pm, and I am so tired. How will I make it until 10pm? So hard to be awake all day when I am too tired and my brain is too fuzzy to actually do anything. This is the problem of the past 30 years.
How do I find meaning in my life? How do I find a way to work, be productive, earn some money? Nothing is set up for neurodivergent people with intense fatigue and other health issues. For today, I will try not to worry. I will make tea. I will tidy up the apartment. I will rest for hours and hours. Maybe there is a good movie or series. can watch on Netflix.
Maybe turning left could be a mantra for my life. Maybe I need to focus on moving forward as much as possible. Stop, rest when I need it, but try to find small ways of pressing on even when I feel crappy. It’s funny to me that some people find turning left when driving so challenging or scary because I feel like it’s about patience and risk. And the willingness to have my car out in the intersection, waiting until it’s safe to turn. I pay much more attention to left turns because they are more complex.
Gonna give this left turn thing some more thought.