Air Temp 7C (45F) | Water temp 7C (45F) | Grey with a few sun appearances | Water glassy and calm
Today at the lake i went to a different dock that’s about 20 meters away from where I have been swimming.
As I walked onto the dock, the giant swan that I’ve been seeing in the distance was was right next to the edge of dock. I thought, “cool, I’m gonna meet him,” but as I walked to get closer he squawked at me. I don’t really remember if it was more like a hiss or a bark, but it was a clear message to back the F off, so I did. I still took a little video of him and a few pictures, and then we just kind of decided to do our own thing. He went to the other side of the dock and started looking for food. I started putting on my gear.
I wasn’t sure what my swim was gonna be like because I was so tired, and then like for about 10 seconds it started to rain, but I was almost done putting my gear on by that time so there was no turning back. I timed myself today, but I turned off the timer at about seven minutes. I still had to put on my gloves, so I think allowing myself 10 minutes to get all my gear on is sufficient, maybe 15 if I have to lock the bike or walk any distance from a parking lot. It’s easy at this swim spot. I can just ride right up on the bike. There’s a place to lock my bike just a few feet away.
The water felt awesome today because I prepared, because I wear so much gear to stay warm. I’m not that interested in I being cold, I just want to be in the water as long as possible, get some exercise, tune out of all the things that clutter my brain when I’m on land. It’s funny that people focus on the cold. My gear does what I want it to do–keep me warm and keep me buoyant–so I can concentrate on being in the water. I don’t have to worry about being cold. I don’t have to worry about keeping moving.
In fact, the coolest thing about wearing a wetsuit is that I can be vertical in the water. I take full advantage of that. I love just looking out across the water and then just slowly spinning a 360°. After five years, it’s still kind of a marvel to me that I can be supported in the water. It feels like magic.
I was super tired today and quite spaced out, so it was a relief to be in the water. I don’t understand how this works, but the cold water relaxes me and sharpens my brain. I’m completely fogged all of the time. Focus, concentrateion, working memory are incredibly hard. Then I get in the water and my body, mind, soul feel like they are at home. I’m free.
Today I went a little bit out from the dock, maybe 20 feet, to give the swan a lot of space. Then I swam back-and-forth doing my quirky modified breaststroke, taking lots of breaks to float. Because I float face down (because if I float on my back water can trickle down my nose into my brain and what about parasites???) I have to move my arms or sometimes kick because I don’t want someone walking past to think that I’ve like had a heart attack. So I floated and then did some flutter kicking, trying to suck in my gut. I need to work on my core. Two people on paddle boards got into the water and paddled to the other side of the lake. They were doing their thing, and it was so nice to be in the water and know others were enjoying it, too. I was kind of amazed that at the dock there are five or six paddle boards lashed to the dock. I didn’t know if they were locked or if they were just tied up, but I made a note to ask them if I got a chance to talk to them.
The sun decided to appear, so I quickly put my head underwater to great H and E, then T, R, and A, in the sunbeams. I’m not sure how much of my fatigue is from my illness or being out of shape, but I felt pretty heavy in the water. I moved very slowly because my goal was to put in the time but not push too hard. I focused on my breath, then I moved my attention around my body. My arms were ok. My legs were ok. I was able to acclimate my face very quickly today; it only took about five pull-ups to work. It’s intense when I feel that initial forehead burn, but I’m so used to it that it doesn’t worry me. I know it will fade eventually.
I was proud of myself today for getting out before I got too tired. I always know that no matter what I do in my life I have to factor in figure out the cost of every activity. How much energy will it take me to prepare and how much energy will it take me to recover. Also, how much energy do I get home? I was in the water maybe 22 minutes today, and I like to be in for 30, but I’m slowly building up to that. I didn’t mind getting out.
It was really cold when I got dressed. The wind really cuts here, but I didn’t mind it because I felt so relaxed from the water. I took my time instead of rushing, pilling all the wet gear on the dock. By the time I got all my warm stuff on the paddle board people were were back at the dock, so I chatted with them. I’m absolutely fascinated that they can leave their paddle boards there are nobody steals them or spray paints them. I can’t even imagine being able to tie a bunch of boards to a dock (not locked) in the states. It was nice to chat with them. They thought I was snorkeling. I had to tell them that I’m just really weird and have to use a snorkel.
As we were talking, a male mallard duck swam straight towards them and then got itselfup onto the dock and then kind of came towards me. I was happy to greet him, but he realized I didn’t have any food for him and waddled off towards someone else who was sitting on the other side of the dock. I just fucking love that I fucking love hanging out with ducks. I told the people that the swan had been kind of bitchy, and they said, “like “yeah that happens,” so I’m not gonna take it personally. In fact, I’m gonna try not to take a whole lot of stuff personally! How about that?
On the way home I was filled with gratitudel for being able to get to places quickly on a bike. I feel so much more connected to myself and my surroundings traveling by bike. It does use up my energy, so I don’t get as much accomplished on any given outing because cycling requires so much of me. But there is also a boost in my mental health and cognitive functioning when I can experience the freedom of pedaling instead of taking a taxi. I need fresh air and movement.
Now I’m home, and I’ve rinsed all my gear. I’m lying down in bed. I have no energy left. Maybe I’ll take a nap and then make some dinner. I have figure out what has to happen tomorrow, edit my “to do” list.
Here’s the thing: physical activity depletes me, cognitive activity depletes me, but the effort I have to make to get my gear on, to get my gear off, to rinse it off when I get home and hang it up to dry adds up to more time than I spend in the water. I’m OK with that because the water is the only place I feel relaxed, calm, peaceful. It’s like I can just exist. I don’t have to do anything or be anybody or think about all the things I can’t do because of my health. So I’m always gonna get in the water.
Watch the swan video: